I recently became lucid in a dream and found myself seated in a large auditorium. I was surrounded by family members along with a large crowd of strangers. Right away, I noticed that sitting in front of me was a former colleague and friend of mine who I haven’t spoken with in a couple of years. I gave him a little swat on the shoulder and said, “Dan!” He slowly turned to look at me. “Dan. This is a dream! We are dreaming all of this right now.” I gestured around to the crowd and the stage in front of us. Dan continued to look at me with glassy eyes and a look of mild confusion. Without saying a word, he slowly turned his attention away from me and back to the stage. I took that as a cue and moved on to other adventures.

You know how when you wake up in the morning from a really vivid dream and, in the dream, there was an old friend so the first thing you do is look up their number and give them a call? You tell them all about this dream and that they were in it. Then, you ask them about their dreams and you want to know… were you there? By any chance, was it the same dream?

You don’t do this?

Neither do I. At least not very often.

I sometimes wonder, though… what if I did? What if every time I could recall, with some level of detail, a dream involving someone either from my past or even present life, I asked them about it? Would there be any kind of hit rate at all? When a guy from my high school economics class (who I’m pretty sure I haven’t even thought about in the last 20 years) appears as a key player in my dream, is it possible that I made a cameo appearance in his dream? Maybe even at the same time? Am I going to call him and ask? Nope. Probably not. The “awkward potential” would be off the charts.

There is another challenge with this little experiment. Let’s say that the economics guy actually did have a dream with overlapping characteristics and I was, in fact, in that dream. Then, I boldly dial him up to inquire. Odds are extremely high that he would not remember the dream even though it took place.

Swing, miss… restraining order.

Most of us have 4 or 5 or dreams each night which adds up to more than 30 per week and, unless we work at it, we are lucky to remember 3 or 4 of them if any at all. This leaves a lot of dreams that are lost in the ether.

So, what’s the takeaway? For one thing, if you want to explore the phenomena of shared dreams or co-dreaming (meeting up with someone else in a dream) you are better off experimenting with someone you know more closely and, preferably, another dream enthusiast. Team up with someone who has developed a descent level of dream recall so you have more content to discuss. Or, choose someone who you wake up next to every morning. That makes comparing notes easy. “I was on a boat.” “I was in a warehouse.” OK. Have a good day.

For a moment, however, let’s consider the question from a different angle. If I’m running around inside of 30-some dreams each week and in almost each one of them, other people are running around too… who are they? Actually, no. That question is too big for the back half of this post so let’s walk it back a little.

If I dream of you, is it you? Even sometimes? Maybe a small part of you… a splinter of your consciousness?

I reflect on my encounter with my former colleague, Dan in the auditorium. I consider his response to me and the way that he looked, his facial affect. Then, I think about myself as I may appear in non-lucid dreams and especially the dreams that I do not even recall. How do I look in those dreams? Might I be “glazed over” or glassy eyed? Do I sometimes look perplexed by what is happening around me? Could that have been Dan? I cannot confirm nor can I rule it out as a possibility. If I had my wits about me, I would have attempted to hammer home a sign or a signal… something that would really resonate with him. Then, even though it’s been a couple of years, I could have given him a call to see if he had any recollection or even a misty sense of déjà vu. But I didn’t and… I didn’t.

Do I think we can meet up in a dream? Yes, absolutely. I think that it is common for us to define the full reach of our dream world to the neural pathways of our brains that are trapped beneath our skin but, on the contrary, I believe that through our dreams, each of us is given passage to places beyond the confines of our physical self. Places where time and space are less of an imposition. Places were we can receive guidance, catch glimpses of future events and, yes, come into contact with one another.

Why does it matter? What is the value of a telepathic high five in the dream space?

The overarching takeaway is that we should pay closer attention. If we dismiss our dream encounters with friends and family as strictly a concoction of our unconscious mind working through memory consolidation or another neurological function, then we risk overlooking a message of significance. Unbeknownst to your friend, their subconscious may be reaching out to you for support and, if you catch it, you may have an opportunity to make a timely check-in call. This doesn’t mean that you need to delve into the details of your dream (unless you are comfortable doing so) however, the well timed contact may be just what they need whether or not they realize it. Make it your own experiment. Be mindful, follow your intuition and even when conventional wisdom may urge you to dismiss the experience, pick up the phone.

Welcome to the bottom of the post! Since you stuck around this long, here is a little extra. You may have heard of Robert Waggoner, thought leader and lucid dreamer extraordinaire. He was interviewed by Ann Hill on Dream Talk Radio back in 2011. In the interview, Robert was discussing his thoughts about the recently released movie, Inception. If you scrub forward to the 37 minute mark you will hear Robert recount a story very similar to my account of “Dan and the auditorium”. Robert, however, had the presence of mind to make a distinct impression on his friend and what resulted is truly thought-provoking. Check out the interview here.